I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
