just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
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