I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
There r osticjed everywhere
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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