i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
