member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
