i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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