I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
