my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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