my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
