You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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