The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
