so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
