Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
