He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
