I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
