The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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