Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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