i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
