thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
