Swine flu. Run for my life!
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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