nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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