Sry I called you an 8
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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