the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
