Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
