Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
