with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
