Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
