yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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