making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
