I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
