Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
