I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
