hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
