Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
