Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
