Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
