Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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