My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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