Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
