I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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