I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
