dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
