We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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