Will you blow on my dice?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
