We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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