Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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