i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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