i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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