I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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