he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
