i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
