i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
